Author: Ralph M. Prescott
Email: rmp@lpa.com
Date: 1998/12/19
Forums: comp.lang.java.advocacy
It's the end of a very long and vibrant year in the Java world.
In honor of that year I've put together this homage to 1998 and
many of those involved.
Apologies to Don McLean and virtual awards to the best
deconstructions, especially those with provided URL's for
references. Mail 'em to me and I'll post the best.
For those of you not familiar with Don's classic tune,
"American Pie" is an 8 minute pop opus from the early 70's.
It is rife with veiled references to the pop world of the day
-- or simple nonsense depending on your point of view.
It also struck a chord in an entire generation.
I wish I had a live reference to the real tune.
There's probably a version on the net somewhere.
It even has it's own section on yahoo.
http://dir.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Music/Artists/By_Genre/Rock_and_Pop/McLean__
Don/
The "Offical Don McLean Page" can be found at:
http://www.ourline.demon.co.uk/donmclean/index.htm
My favorite deconstruction can be found at:
www.mbhs.edu/~bconnell/cty/american-pie-FAQ.txt
Enough background. With no further ado, I present:
The Year the Platform Died
--------------------------
A long long time ago,
I can still remember how
coding used to make me smile
And I knew that if I had my chance
That I could make those programs dance
And users, they'd be happy for a while
But MFC made me shiver
with every winapp I'd deliver
Bad news on the desktop
Stealth upgrades just won't stop
I can't remember if I cried
each time I reloaded Win95
But something touched me deep inside
The year the platform died
And we were singin'...
Bye, bye, Windows API
I used your wizards for the gizzards
but the KLOC was too high
And them Unix boys still stuck with X and vi
were singin' That'll be the day that I die
That'll be the day that I die
Did you read the book of Charles,
And do you still write Hungarian snarls,
If the bible tells you so?
Now do you believe in ActiveX?
And DCOM? Well, it's still a mess
And can you teach it how to run real safe?
Well I know that you're all used to crud
'Cause, I saw you believing all the FUD
Sun kicked off this thing
Man I dig a lively Swing
I was a lonely teenage BASIC geek
With an Altair box I could POKE and PEEK
But I knew that I was up a creek
'Till the year the platform died
I started singing...
Now for ten years we've been on PC's
Where innovation is new GUI's.
But that's the way of monopolies
Like when billg played for the federal court
With lines he borrowed from Colonel North
In a house paid for by you and me
Oh, and while the king was looking down
The jester bought out his jeweled crown
The courtroom was adjourned,
No verdict was returned
And while Gosling gave us a mighty Oak,
Many thought it was just a joke
And our classic VM's would really poke
The year the platform died
We were singing...
DOJ, Win2K, "Where do you want to go today?"
The wags all said it would be OK
48 million lines and growing fast
It's Unix with new DNA
It was supposed to ship sometime last May
And with Linux in the headlines every day
Now the MS VM was really fast
Too bad it wasn't very good at math
We all turned off the JIT
Since we couldn't run with it
Then J++ tried to tilt the field
The presiding judge refused to yield
Do you recall the muck revealed
The year the platform died?
We started singing...
And there we were all in one place
JavaOne, early '98
With no room left to walk around
So come on Scott be humble, Ed be quick
Miko turned on a candlestick
But mailbombs landed on his list of friends
And as I watched them on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
"one two" would still be late
Hotspot would have to wait
And as the rings plugged into the net
That damned fractal's still not done yet
I heard Nathan laughing from his jet
The year the platform died
He was singing...
I met girl who read the lists
And I asked her for an EventQueue fix
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred show
Where I'd first met Windows years before
But the vendors for the PC's didn't show
And in the booths the products gleamed
The pundits wrote and the techies dreamed
But not a word was spoken,
Though all knew the spell was broken
The three form factors now admired most:
Weight and use and power cost
Mobile but connected back to a host
Is the way the platform died
And they were singing...
Bye, bye, Windows API
I used your wizards for the gizzards
but the KLOC was too high
And them Unix boys still stuck with X and vi
were singin' That'll be the day that I die
That'll be the day that I die..........
Enjoy!
Best wishes, and Happy Holidays
~rmp (who was touched very deep inside)
--
Ralph M. Prescott Systems Consultant
rmp@rochester.rr.com LPA Software Inc
rmp@lpa.com Fairport NY, USA
www.lpa.com